Many people believe that romance is linked solely to chemistry. In fact, romance is the cornerstone to becoming best friends. The connection & intimacy that is generated through thoughtful acts of romance provides an endless supply of delight in each other. Check out this page for ideas to bring the romance back to your relationship.
I recommend that you begin by introducing one new element each week as you are ready. Each of these strategies has the power in and of itself to change the whole climate of your relationship!
Jimmy T and I moved recently from an apartment to a house. One of the first things we did was pick up a secondhand dining table & chairs from Gumtree.
Each evening as I prepare the meal we listen to music (see below for some Spotify faves). He lights the candles and lays the table. We have been delighted at our new sense of connection after only changing this. We sit across from each other, talk about our day, and are present to each other.
This is even more important for those of you who have children – a shared meal & conversation will teach them habits about food, conversation, and relationships that will last them a lifetime.
Some of my fave songs for a dinner ‘radio’ playlist: Norah Jones | Come Away With Me, Buena Vista Social Club | Chan Chan, Jose Gonzalez | Down the Line, Katie Melua | The One I Love is Gone, Gotye | Making Mirrors
Holding hands speaks to your partner on many levels. It says “I love you”. It means “I am proud to be seen with you”. It creates a strong anchor for intimacy, for connection. Hold hands when you walk together, when you drive, while you eat.
Holding hands is like shaking hands. A limp hand is awkward and yuk. Practice having a firm grip without squeezing too hard. Ask your partner to give you feedback – harder, softer, firmer, squeeze more…. beautiful.
If either you or someone you know doesn’t like, or chooses not to hold hands, you must call me. It is one of the symptoms us Sugar Doctors know how to treat!
This is a classic act of romance throughout the ages because it works.
Flowers are a daily reminder for your partner that you thought of her. That you took action to find something for her, for no other reason than to see her smile. This is not about making sure there are flowers in the house, this is about YOU buying (or picking) an ephemeral piece of happiness.
If your partners Love Language is Visual, this is a perfect gift. For everyone else, this is a perfect gift.
Ask her what she likes – is it bright happy flowers like gerberas, sunflowers or daffodils? Maybe she likes romantic cottage garden flowers like roses, carnations, and babies breath. Or perhaps she loves natives like wattle, waratah and eucalyptus. If you are not sure, ask for feedback!
This massage is romantic, sensual, relaxing. Create a beautiful atmosphere with candlelight and soft music, prepare towels, oils, and anything else you might need.
Begin with warm scented oil, make sure you never put cold oil onto your partners skin! Strong confident strokes feel best, you can check in whether they would prefer a lighter or firmer touch.
Some great books are Super Massage by Gordon Inkeles, or the Ray Stubbs classic Erotic Massage.
Make sure that you finish the massage by toweling off the oil and allowing your partner to relax – this is not foreplay. It is really important to create intimate touch without sexual expectation.
The lyrical amongst you can pen a poem, an ode to your love. Perhaps if you are musical you could write a song. And for those who find this an incredible challenge – get you to google!
Find a piece of poetry that speaks to you, and that reminds you of the love you feel for your partner. Please don’t treat this like a tick and flick exercise, if you choose to do it, do it well!
When you have found the perfect piece, write it in beautiful script on a card, a canvas, or a cake and present it to your lover. A rose by any other name…
Ask your partner to pick a random country from a map of the world. You could blindfold them and give the globe a spin, or simply hold a map in front of them.
When they have selected a country, you can do an internet search for “traditional recipes from ________”.
Pick a night when you have some time, and host a themed dinner at home for your partner. Cook a traditional meal including entrée or finger food, and a main course. For the truly adventurous you there will be dessert, something delicious. Decorate the table a little by adding one item that represents that countries décor to you.
The meal may not be the most delicious you have ever had… and the fun will far outweigh that!
A mixed tape has always been an act of romance and a declaration of love.
These days we have some pretty sophisticated delivery methods, including Spotify and iTunes playlists, or you could go old school and burn a CD. My recommendation would be to go the whole hog – create a list of songs that are meaningful for you and your partner, perhaps they remind you of a fun time, or a gig you went to together. Burn a CD, create a label and wrap it up as a cool as hell gift.
Write cover notes for your CD and include a dedication to your partner, plus an explanation of why you chose each song. Extra points if you listen together and rock out!
Write beautiful & expressive notes then hide them for your lover to find at different moments during their day.
Get super creative and have fun. You can leave them in different rooms, the pockets of their clothes, in their lunch. You can write a message in the top of an unopened peanut butter jar, or write a message on their plate at the dinner table.
You could write on the windows, mirrors, or tiles with a whiteboard marker (non -permanent!) or you could draw in the steam of the shower. Leave many notes around the house. Aim for your partner to find one at least once a week.
An adventure shared, a journey, an exploration of the world!
Find a book that you would both enjoy, perhaps it is a fantasy novel, erotic stories, a comic book, a lonely planet guide, or a book on business. The content is entirely up to you.
Spend time, taking turns reading the book to each other. You might like to read a page or a chapter in the evening. Perhaps you could spend a rainy afternoon reading to each other, or find some naughty bedtime stories. Whatever you choose, be present to your partner and allow yourself to be transported to another place with only their voice to guide you.
For thousands of years people have gazed at the night sky and told each other stories about the constellations, the universe, the meaning of life.
Prepare for a romantic evening under the stars by purchasing or printing a guide to the sky in your region. Include the names of the constellations, and learn some of the legends & myths that explain where they came from.
Find a secluded spot away from the city lights and ponder your place in the grand scheme of the world, together.
Take some time to select a beautiful card for your partner. Perhaps you will hand make a card, or maybe you spend 10 minutes reading them in the Newsagent until you find the card with the perfect sentiment. Or maybe you know of a special type of card you order from online that is just right for your lover.
However you choose to find the card, write a message of love within and mail it to your partner. The key is to send it by snail mail! Allow your partner the joy of retrieving the mail and sorting through to find a special card just for them. For extra points you can add something inside, a flower, some sparkles, tickets, or an in-joke between the two of you.
Chocolate is King when it comes to romance. Don’t let the simplicity of the gift belie its power! These little babies contain the secret keys to sexual chemistry: they release endorphins, boost serotonin, and stimulate your five senses.
If you can find a visually beautiful chocolate, that smells delicious and contains different flavours and textures for the tongue, then you have found a winner!
Be considerate of your partner’s health – check out the artistry of Mama-P, a local company dedicated to creating healthy foods with a focus on using premium superfood ingredients that are good for you and taste amazing.
“…The greatest paradox of a good dancer – men are leaders, but they follow women. That is a woman who defines the style of dancing, distance, intimacy, speed, and rhythm…”
When it comes to romance and The Art of Seduction, there are few activities that create chemistry faster than to take dance classes together.
The presence and connection required for the masculine energy of leading is learned in dance and naturally flows into your relationship. The feminine radiance and trust developed through following your lead is the key to create the polarity & chemistry required for a sizzling and passionate relationship.
Write down 101 things that you love about your partner. Include the way they look, the qualities that you appreciate, how you feel when you are together. Tell them how the world is different because they are in your life.
Please take time to do this well, and really notice how special and unique your partner is. What are the things that attracted you in the first place? What things do you enjoy together, and what about them makes that possible?
Roll up the little notes beautifully and place in a jar before gifting them to your partner to read, one each day for 90 days (plus some bonus notes to give them an extra boost!)
With the longer evenings and balmy weather, it’s the perfect time to plan a sunset date.
Choose a great venue – the top of a hill, a beach, a secluded picnic area, and take your partner there for a relaxing evening to watch the stunning colour display from mother nature. You could take a walk up Bathers Way and onto Anzac Walk for a panoramic city view.
Take a picnic dinner – cheese & wine, fish & chips, or something special you know your partner will love, and notice the beauty that surrounds you and is beside you.
Design a treasure hunt for your partner that leads to a romantic location or gift.
Each puzzle piece needs a clue, and an item that helps them to translate the clue. You can text them, hide clues in your house, or go large and use the city as your playground!
Make sure that you are playful and fun, and join your partner as they search for the final treasure. You.
Book an evening at home when you will be undisturbed and plan a slow romance.
Leave a trail of rose petals from your front door to the bedroom where you will woo your lover with champagne, strawberries and beautiful music.
You can trade massages and share some sweet & sexy moments.
Take your time, enjoy each other’s company, and do stop to smell the roses.
A sweet and timeless tradition is the serenade. A song composed and performed in honour of your lover – best accomplished on a peaceful evening beneath her balcony or window.
If you are musical then it would be even sweeter to write a song yourself. For others you could choose a romantic song that she loves and perform it in her honour.
Music is a language that speaks universally to the heart & soul, what a delicious way to say I Love You.
Brainstorm 2015 on paper – what were the things you started together- a new activity or project, or a new location? Think about the holidays you have shared, the parties or events you attended together. Remember the funniest moments, and the times you were filled with love. Write down the things that you are proud of, the projects or children, or the things that you created as a team.
Think about the endings you experienced, the lives you celebrated and mourned, jobs that you have left or projects you have finished.
Find 3 photos per month of the year and have them printed into a photo book to commemorate the year you have shared – a gift to be treasured for years to come.
Take the most beautiful time of day – sunrise or sunset, add champagne, and a sweet surprise.
Take your honey on a hot air balloon ride, just the two of you soaring in the skies. Pure magic.
You can snuggle and take in the scenery, while you experience a change in perspective. The peace that cocoons you both as you float gently on the winds becomes a symbol for you.
Plan the rest of the day to continue the gentle rhythm of the world, strolling in gardens or perhaps a picnic in the sunshine. Enjoy each other.
“With a flick of the magic wand the pumpkin turned into a sparkling coach and the mice became six white horses, while the seventh mouse turned into a coachman in a smart uniform and carrying a whip. Cinderella could hardly believe her eyes”
The story of Cinderella
For a delightful day with the love of your life, take a scenic carriage tour in your area. You could go for a short romantic ride, or make a day of it and visit some of the local wineries, boutique cellar doors, cheese, chocolate and olive tasting. Check out Hunter Valley Carriage’s for a group experience, or for a real splurge you can book their romantic ride for the two of you.
Take your Queen out for the day to wine, dine, & romance her.
Choose an item from your lover’s bucket list (if you don’t have it yet, check out date night on Thursday).
Help your partner make it happen- Bring home the gift of supplies to help them in the stage they are in – this might be dreaming and planning, preparation, or they might be ready to do the thing!
For example, you could buy or borrow a lonely planet guide & a map to an exotic location on their list. You could gift them a box of kit for an adventure. You could book lessons together in an area that you know they would like to become skilled.
The art of actualising your dreams together and the joy of the anticipation will create an incredibly special bond in your relationship.
Everyone likes surprises – they just don’t like surprises that they don’t like! Get it right by booking an event that you know your partner wants to go to.
You could book theatre, comedy, a movie, a gig, a game, or even a trip somewhere special.
Create some excitement about the surprise by booking the date with them & telling them how much they will love it. All your partner will need from you is a specific instruction about what type of clothes to wear and what time to be ready (YOU need to take care of everything else!)
For many years I pretended that Valentine’s Day didn’t matter to me, because then I wouldn’t be disappointed when he didn’t get me a present. Or take me out. Or even remember. Time and time again I hear this from women – they don’t expect a gift, but they DO want to be romanced!
I believe that every day is an opportunity to express your love, and choosing not to celebrate says more about your politics than your partner. You don’t have to spend money, but why be stingy with effort?
Take the opportunity to treat your lover and romance them. Let them know how special they really are. You could choose a few gestures from the Love Languages, plan a special Date, or find a romantic gesture from this page. On a day where lovers around the world are celebrating, take the opportunity to pamper & adore yours.
Plan a surprise delivery for your lover. Arrange for them to receive a gift unexpectedly – it may be at work or at home, or somewhere creative!
My favourite surprise deliveries are subscriptions – and you can get them for almost anything these days! My man has most recently received one for Knobby Underwear, I have booked magazine subscriptions, or you could look to monthly wine, fruit, or flowers.
It is a sweet monthly reminder that you love them, and that you are tuned in to what matters to them.
You could also try a one-off delivery of a gift, some flowers, or an album or book you know they want.
I often see couples struggling in the romance department when they put a lot of time & effort into a grand gesture that their partner simply doesn’t like. In this moment many give up, and decide that it is not worth it, all too hard, or not important to them. And this is the beginning of the end.
Romance is the art of creating a magical experience that you already know your partner desires and will enjoy.
This week plan a beautiful meal together and bring a notebook and pen. Spend at least an hour discussing your vision of romance in your relationship, why romance is important to each of you, what specifically you each find romantic, and how specifically you would like to be romanced.
Plan a romantic weekend away for you and your partner. Find somewhere that is beautiful and luxurious, where you can spend a minimum of three days together relaxing and enjoying each other. You can book a self-contained apartment and prepare beautiful food together, or plan to order room service so you can be even more relaxed. Pack a suitcase with your favourite sexy books, toys, and games, and nothing else! Plan to take only the clothes that you are wearing, and spend the entire time either naked or wearing robes. The first day you will spend with your focus on the feminine energy, where she will receive anything she desires. The second day is all about the masculine energy and he leads the play for the day.
It is so crucial to the vitality of your relationship that you commit to taking this time at least quarterly, when you can reconnect & revitalize your love.